K to the A to the M to the I to the L to the L to the A

K-A-M-I-L-L-A

A name is your identity; it’s everything you are, but that doesn't mean you have to love yours. My name is neutral; there’s no feeling behind it. It’s not a special name, not the kind that lingers in your mouth after you say it. It’s not exotic, not the type you struggle to pronounce but when you finally can, unlocks a whole new perspective of the person who owns it. It’s not long or short, average I guess you could say. My name is a blank slate that thankfully shows nothing of the person who bears it.

My name is from Hungary, which I think is pretty cool. I never knew this as I always thought it was from Norway. Kamilla is a common name there so it didn’t occur to me it came from anywhere else. I’ve also heard it comes from Saudi Arabia, but I guess that person must have been wrong. Kamilla means ‘helper of the priest’. Now, that’s definitely something I didn’t know before I researched it. We’ve done a similar thing in my old school, but then my name meant ‘young girl’. I guess it all depends on the website you’re on. I think it’s interesting how my name means so many different things, and it really makes me wonder what else it could possibly mean; who knows? There’s a world of possibilities out there.

My parents decided to call me Kamilla for two reasons. The first one is it starts with ‘K’. My grandma decided to call all of her sons and daughters a name starting with the letter K; they were: Kamal, Kumar, Krishni, Kanthi and, my mom, Kumudni. Mom decided to do the same things with her children so it became Kristin, Kathleen and Kamilla. The other reason is it’s a name that sounds the same in Norwegian and English. I was actually supposed to be called Karoline, but it sounds different in Norwegian, and my mom didn’t like this new pronunciation. You see this happened with her second name (Maryanne; that’s what everyone calls her). It sounds way different in Norwegian.

I’ve been teased before, but it wasn’t like serious teasing, it was just a joke and at the time I didn’t take it seriously. In Norway Kamilla rhymes with the Norwegian word ‘beetle’. Kamilla, billa. There were only a few people who called me that and as I’ve said, I didn’t take it seriously. It was only some boys who said that and they stopped when I told them to. My friends never called me that so I was fine with it. I had a nick-name though, ‘Milla’. I was actually quite happy because my name also rhymes with the Norwegian word ‘purple’, and it’s always been one of my favourite colors.
So yes, I don’t love my name, but I don’t see myself in any other one. It fits me in some ways, I guess, and it’s just become everything I am. If I’m not Kamilla, then who am I?